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Am I Really Here? Do I Exist?

It's my own fault, I know it. For whatever reason I've not been taking my meds. I have 'em... I just can't bring myself to swallow the ten bloody horsepills - and that's just in the morning. At night, it's another four. And now, I'm reaping the consequences. I'm over-emotional. I tend to cry at the slightest thing and everything frustrates me.

Tonight I burst into tears because my elder son is having dinner with my grandkids (and no, I wasn't invited, and I'm old school enough not to show up and expect to be welcome), and my younger son preferred to order in freaking Papa John's pizza instead of coming to share a meal with me. I feel about this big.

It's getting so that I have no feeling of self-worth any more. I do nothing but sit at the computer all day, and if it weren't for a couple of sweetie pies on different continents and one on this one, I could exist in a void. It's like... if I wasn't in a medical emergency situation, I wouldn't exist in my own family. healing was good for me, personally, but it distanced everyone again.

I just want to feel wanted, you know? Even needed by someone. And I don't feel it. Not in the slightest. I guess I should take the fucking anti-depressants again... ya think? Even my writing isn't making me happy these days.. which I guess doesn't matter. It's not like anyone is reading it, after all.

I need some contact here, you guys. Please stop in and say hello, or share something uplifting. Make me see there's still good in the damned world? Let me know you can see me?



Jul. 24th, 2013 03:26 am (UTC)
OMG, you made me cry! But this time, it was happy tears. Thank you so much for the link. It's a relief to know there's goodness out there in the world.

Thanks for caring!
Jul. 24th, 2013 03:47 pm (UTC)
Hugs to you!! Like Tab said, get back on your meds! They are a pain in the ass, but a necessary evil at the moment. Then start looking into alternatives but wisely and with proper medical advise. diet is important and exersice as I'm sure you've heard. Endorphins or some such. Personally I've started Yoga and I love it. It centers you. check into it.
glad those pics helped. I just have to look at something like that to know that there is bigger and better out there, even if I can't see it myself at the moment.

HUGS to you!
Jul. 24th, 2013 04:30 pm (UTC)
Hugs again. You brought a much-needed smile to my face.