This chapter takes place several months after the previous chapter. Will has a meeting of the minds.
Please, as always, read and comment! Buffy!Muse is still chugging along though her pace is slower than I would like. However, like the little engine that could, she keeps going, and for that I’m grateful.
Feedback is always welcomed.
Goddess bless Willa, my first and foremost mentor, gillo, for her usual keen eye, celesteavonne for her additional beta work, and just_sue for finding things everyone else misses and being my sounding board.
To read Beloved from the beginning, go to my Live Journal Here or to simply_beloved: chapter 1.
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Beloved – Chapter 35 - Memories
Fuck! The grip of her… the heat of her! So very unexpected, but oh! Someone must be listening to the prayers of bad little vampires. He always knew fighting made her as hot as it made him, but he never thought she’d admit it, much less act on it. Yet here they were, he flexing his leg muscles as he met her thrust for thrust against the hard edges of the broken plasterboard at his back. He was afraid to say anything which might stop her. Damn if the girl didn’t fuck like she fought – all concentrated on her task. Buffy’s green eyes were boring straight into his.
He found himself being propelled forward, unsure if he or she had precipitated the movement, but they hit a spot in the floor, and, still going at it, crashed through the rotting floorboards. Spike managed to flip their bodies in the air, so when they landed, he hit first. And bugger it all… she just kept on riding him as if they were on the softest featherbed.
The feeling was just too good to last, and Spike felt his body spiraling into one hell of an orgasm. Determined to bring Buffy along with him, he sped up his thrusts as his fingers sought her clit. Just as her body began to spasm around him and his control fled, Spike saw the oddest thing… another Buffy standing amidst the rubble, staring with shock. Too late to process anything, Spike gave himself in to the sensations of his glorious shag and… awoke with a shout. It took a few moments for his mind to clear, before Will realized he was in his dorm, and his roommate, Marcus, was sitting up in bed, looking startled from his slumber.
“You okay, man? Sounded like something took a bite out of your ass, the way you screamed.”
“I-I’m fine,” Will stammered. “Just a bad dream. Go back to sleep, Marcus. I’ll be fine.”
“Maybe you need some help, Will. This is the third time this week you’ve woke me up with your dreams.”
“Help,” Will murmured. “Yeah, I gotta talk with someone about this,” he said, gathering his blanket and sheet and tossing them in the hamper. Good thing Mom packed spares.
Will sighed with relief as his brother crested the small hill on campus and headed towards his bench. “Thanks for coming, man. I couldn’t talk about this over the phone.”
“So what’s the matter, bro? You made it sound urgent.” Connor quickly gave him the once over from top to bottom. “You look fine. Are you sick?”
“Depends on your definition of ‘sick’. I’ve been having… dreams”
“Dreams? Or nightmares?” Connor asked.
Scratching the back of his neck, Will tried to come up with the proper words to explain. “I-I’ve been having these dreams…”
Connor smiled. “The dreams where you wake up sticky? I thought you had this discussion years ago, with Dad.”
Will blushed scarlet to the tips of his ears. “If it was as simple as a wet dream, do you think I’d call you?” he asked. “I’m not an utter moron, ya know.”
“Chill, dude! I know, I know. So… what’s the deal?”
“These dreams… they’re more like memories,” Will began, shifting uncomfortably on the stone bench. “It’s just they’re not my memories. They’re Spike’s – of Buffy!”
“Whoa! Are you sure you don’t just have an overly vivid imagination? I know how you feel about this Buffy…”
“Damn it, Connor, I know what I saw… what I felt. I’ve never… not with anyone… especially not with Buffy, but I can tell you exactly how hot and tight she feels around me, and what spot on her body drives her to distraction. Trust me, what I had was a visceral memory, not wishful dreaming.”
“Huh! Well, now I know why you didn’t call Dad. You getting the full Technicolor experience of his ex-girlfriend? Talk about awkward.”
“No shit, Sherlock. And it gets worse,” Will added, scuffing his shoe into the ground. “In the middle of all this, Buffy… my Buffy… showed up. She vanished before I could say anything, and I haven’t been able to contact her since.”
“So what do you want to do about this?”
“I’m scared, Connor,” Will admitted to his older brother. “If Spike’s memories are coming back, does that mean I’ll eventually turn into Spike? I mean, I know I used to be him. Once. But I’m me now. Will. Am I going to lose who I am? To be him again? Do I get a choice here?”
“Hmmm, perhaps…” said Connor, thoughtfully scratching his fingers through his well-trimmed beard, “the best person for you to run this through would be Lorne. You guys have a great relationship. So… who’s the best guy to take your fears to than the green man, himself?”
“No!” Will shouted, drawing the attention of the passersby. “No,” he repeated quietly. “What I told Lorne in confidence about my feelings for Buffy before I knew about his past was bad enough. Now that I know how close he and Dad are, there is no way I can go to him with this.”
“Okay, bro,” Connor placated. “No Lorne. The only thing I can think of is talking with your Aunt Dawn. Not about the content of your dream,” he said at Will’s aghast expression. “It’s just there are two ways to attack this thing. One, if there’s anyone who knows Buffy, it’s her, and can try and figure out how her sister is feeling right now, and two, she can do some research on… on… possession, or previous lives, or something that pertains to your history. You are rather unique, so I don’t know how much she’ll have to go on.”
“I’ll talk to her, as long as you broach the subject,” Will agreed. “But for God’s sake, be discreet. Dad can’t find out about this.”
“There are places your aunt and I go where our father doesn’t. Don’t worry, Will. We’ll keep this quiet. You have my promise.” Connor slapped him on the back, then stood and stretched. “You’ll be hearing from Dawn soon.”
Dawn got back to Will much sooner than he expected – she called him the next day, and drove up the day after, leaving Liam at home so they wouldn’t be distracted.
“Hey there, sweetheart.” She greeted him with a warm hug and linked her arm through his. “Connor tells me my favorite vampire is poking his head into your business. And that it worries you.”
“He didn’t tell you what it was about?”
“I’m guessing it had something to do with my sister, judging from the blush on your face.”
“Okay, then.” Will wished he wasn’t so fair skinned. His emotions showed bright and hot.
“Don’t worry about it, Will,” Dawn laughed. “You forget, I lived through some of the Spike years. There wasn’t an innuendo he didn’t take advantage of no matter who was in the room. As for Buffy’s sex life… well, it seemed to be public knowledge amongst her friends… as if they had the right to make her choices for her. I heard more than I’ve ever let on.”
“It’s still embarrassing,” Will insisted. “It’s like this: I’m a mostly normal guy with normal urges. It’s just there’s nobody on this earth that’s right for me but Buffy. I’ve felt her here,” he said, striking his chest over his heart. “I’ve known her all of my life, even if she’s not actually here with us. And then I experience this major sex-fest with her; sounds, smells, feelings. It has to be Spike’s memories. And if this one came back, will there be others? And if they all come back, will I be Spike, and not Will anymore?”
Dawn stopped, enfolding him in her arms. “I know you’re scared, Will. I understand,” she said, running her fingers through his curls. “I even called Grandpa Giles, and we both researched forms of possession, but they don’t really fit your situation. You’re not possessed by a foreign entity, you’re getting memories from yourself… your past self.”
“Not quite an answer to my questions, is it?”
“No, not really,” Dawn admitted. “There have been instances where people have recalled their past lives, but that doesn’t quite fit you, either. You and Spike share exactly the same DNA, not to mention the teensy little detail of a demon. I wish I had something definitive to tell you, Will.”
“I guess I’ll have to call Lorne, after all, and see if he can make some time for me. Makes as much sense to talk with him as anyone else.” Will sighed, shoulders slumped.
Dawn looked at the teen, taking in his defeated posture. “Okay… what else is bothering you?”
“What’s my sister done now?”
A well-sculpted eyebrow raised high enough to show that she didn’t believe him.
“Fine,” he grit out between clenched teeth. “She’s been avoiding me.”
“Are you sure she’s doing it deliberately? She’s disappeared from time to time involuntarily.”
“Oh, I know,” Will insisted. “I can feel her on the periphery of my senses. She’s around, but she’s not making contact. I need to explain what she saw, and find out what she wanted.”
“One thing you need to know about Buffy is that she’s a prude. Not in what she does, but in what she shows the world.” Dawn laughed at the memories of Buffy trying to be proper and her body betraying her… first with Angel, then Riley. Never with Spike, but for the covert looks when she thought nobody else was watching.
“If I were home, I’d go up to her room. I usually have better luck there than anywhere else when she’s been missing. This time I’m sure she’s staying away on purpose.”
“Hmmm,” said Dawn, looking thoughtful. “Have you ever tried meditating to call her to you? When Buffy needed to focus, your Grandpa used to give her a quartz crystal with a flaw in it to help clear her mind. Perhaps if you had a focal point of your own…”
Will nodded. “I can talk with someone in the Geology Department. I’m sure they have a hunk of quartz I can borrow. It’s worth a try, Aunt Dawn. I hate when she’s mad at me.”
With a shiver, Dawn nodded. “Buffy in a snit is definitely a force to be reckoned with,” she said, patting Will on the shoulder. “Try the meditation thing. At the very least you’ll be calmer when you’re finished.”
Several hours later found Will anything but calm. Borrowing a piece of quartz had been easy enough, but the only things the intense concentration left him with were sweaty pits and a massive headache. Even the hint of Buffy he’d had earlier in the day had disappeared.
In disgust, he shoved the stone aside and grabbed his soap and shampoo for a shower. For a change he didn’t have to wait in line and indulged himself in the steaming hot water. The heat gradually burned his frustration down to a simmer, and lowered his headache to a dull roar.
Noting that Marcus was out of the room, Will popped a few ibuprofen, stripped and crawled into bed, pulling the covers over his head. Within moments, the darkness of his little enclosure lulled him into sleep.
Will awoke to the chirping of birds, and the smell of grass. Though it had been years, he immediately recognized Illyria’s meadow. The statue of the God King was practically perfect; gleaming marble with only the odd crack to mar its surface. The reflecting pool sparkled brightly in the sunshine.
He spied Buffy beneath a copse of trees not far from where they’d picnicked when he was younger. Her head was down, and her posture was defeated. “What do you want, Will?” she sighed as he approached.
“At the very least I want an explanation,” he said.
“This is the first time in my life that you’ve deliberately kept yourself from me. And let’s not forget,” he added, “that you’re the one who popped into my head. It’s not like I called you in for an evening of porn.”
Buffy’s head dropped even further towards her chest, and as angry as Will was, he felt the need to reach out and comfort her. Unfortunately, she flinched at his touch, and that stoked his anger even higher.
“Look at me, god damn it!” Will yelled in frustration. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
When Buffy finally turned to face him, she had tears in her eyes. “That’s the whole thing, Will,” she murmured, tears trailing down her cheeks. “I am wrong. Wrong for you, and I’ve been ruining your life.”
“Are you crazy?” Will couldn’t believe his ears. He’d loved Buffy beyond reason since he was an infant, before he knew what love was, and now she was telling him… what, exactly?
“You’re so young, Will. So very young, with your whole life ahead of you. You should be dating girls your own age, thinking of marriage and babies. Instead, you live like a monk, in hopes I’ll get to be with you. What if your whole life passes you by? You’ll be nothing but a bitter, lonely old man of eighty, and I’ll still be statufied. Or I’ll finally be freed and the age difference will be too great in the opposite direction.”
Will just sat with his mouth agape, unable to form words to refute her claims. And still, she continued.
“As of now, I’m way too old for you. I might look like a teenager, but that’s thanks to Illyria. I was already twenty five when I was imprisoned. Add the past seventeen years of your life, and that makes me forty two years old!! It won’t work. We won’t work.”
Shaking his head in disbelief, Will stood, looking down on Buffy. “Do you really think pulling the age card on me is gonna fly?” he asked, incredulous. Let’s start with the part of me that was born in eighteen fifty four. Trust me, Buffy, that makes me way older than you. As for living like a monk? Hardly. I go to college, I play my guitar in a band, I have friends… if I choose not to take a girlfriend, it’s because I have faith that we’ll be together sooner than later. And what gives you the right to decide what’s good for me? You’re not my mother.”
Buffy stiffened at those words. She’d used them often enough with her friends and Angel when it came to making decisions on her behalf.
“Hit a nerve, did I?”
“I don’t want to use you,” Buffy whispered. “Not again.”
Will’s expression softened as he sat beside her on the grass. “Do you really think you’re making me do anything I don’t want to do, Buffy?” He gently cupped her chin, drawing her face closer to his. “I know we’re meant to be together. I can feel it in my heart; in my soul. I have faith that you’ll be free sooner than later, and we’ll have a long and happy life ahead of us.”
“Geeze, you don’t expect much out of life, do you?”
“I had everything when I was a kid, you know? Loving parents, extended family, friends… and I had it all taken away in less than a handful of minutes.” A sadness passed over Will’s face as he remembered his kidnapping. “I got lucky, though. You got me through the worst of it, and I got rescued by Dad and Connor. Once I got my head straight, I swore to myself that nobody would stop me from having what I wanted. I wanted you then, and I want you now, Buffy… if you’ll have me.”
Despite her misgivings, Will’s pretty words swayed her as their lips connected, and a tender kiss turned passionate. Will dominated the kiss from start to finish. He wasn’t going to let Buffy go without a battle. By the time he released her from his embrace, he’d proven that he was a child no longer. Perhaps not a full grown man, but well on his way.
Buffy’s eyes were slightly glazed and she looked at Will with a newfound respect.
“Promise me you’ll never stay away from me willingly again, please?” Will begged, his heart in his eyes for all the world to see.
“I promise,” Buffy swore. “And if I have doubts we’ll discuss them. Like two adults.”
Will gathered her into a tight hug, feeling the prickly sensation that heralded his awakening. “I love you, Buffy. Never forget how much I love you.”
“I love you too, Will,” were the last words he heard as the world faded to black.
Will startled awake in his dorm room, a good deal happier than when he went to sleep. It was all going to work out. He was sure of it.