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...and everyone in-between. Step right up and meet the world's top procrastinator. I'll be here through Thursday (and with luck, many years afterwards). I've been meaning to post a state of the me entry for over a month, now, and have been unable to get the words out of my fingers.

Until now.

Peek under the cut if you're interested.


I have had an abdominal hernia for the past twenty some-odd years. Yes, ideally I should have had it taken care of when it first happened, when I was way younger and it was a small thing. Problem is, I didn't. Depression, failing self-esteem, stupidity, and a teetering marriage all conspired to keep me from action of any sort. Oddly enough, the hernia was never painful (after the initial break through the abdominal wall), and since I was 'functioning' I let it ride.

Cut to all these years later, and the thing is huge! It's like I've been 7 months pregnant for the past ten years, and my center of gravity is so skewed my back hurts all the time. When the pressure of the hernia caused my skin to thin and begin to bleed, well, even I knew it was time to get it taken care of.

Hint for those who find themselves in a similar situation (pu pu pu), when the surgeon cracks his knuckles and says: "I like a challenge" after examining you, you've waited too long.

I've got to admit to being somewhat petrified. Surgery is set for Friday, January 22nd at 9 am.

I'm 54 years old, going on 4, and believe me, I want my mommy. I'll be going under with my elder son waiting for me, and a handful of family for support. Having my family there for me is the only thing giving me the strength to finally try and take care of myself. I've got a new grandson due in a month, children who care, kitties I love, the upcoming Winter Olympics, the World Champion Yankees season and some mighty fine television viewing waiting on the other side of this. I know I'm doing the right thing, and I know I have a lot to live for... but I reiterate and emphasize... I'm terrified.

I knew I should have stopped watching House and Fringe.

Anyway, if you have a kind word, a smile, a hug or a prayer you'd like to send my way, I'm sitting here, shaking. I do promise to go through with it, and will hopefully 'see' you all on the other side, healthier for it all.

Love you guys. You've been my lifeline for all these many years, though I've withdrawn back into lurkerdom lately. I've been here since September 26, 2003, which I find amazing. I don't even remember a time when I spent a day without you.

I want to stay.

Comments

( 35 comments — Leave a comment )
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debris4spike
Jan. 21st, 2010 10:37 am (UTC)
With love and prayers to you at this time ... All I can say is my dad had his hernia done last year ... and he is 85! So, I am sure that tomorrow will be the start of a new and exciting stage in your life.

{{{Hugs}}}
mad_brilliant_
Jan. 21st, 2010 10:45 am (UTC)
As someone who's undergone some surgeries in the past (I think 14, but I've lost count) I understand your fear. But I can also tell you that you will be fine. Absolutely fine. I know this.

I'll be thinking of you and sending you good thoughts on Friday. ::hugs::
sueworld2003
Jan. 21st, 2010 11:07 am (UTC)
I don't blame you for being terrified. I hate bloody hospitals and consultants with a vengeance, but at least when your hernia is fixed then your quality of life will be better. Will be thinking of you love. *hugs*
tabaqui
Jan. 21st, 2010 11:59 am (UTC)
You? Will be fine. For reals. Breathe, breathe, breathe. You'll be amazed at how much that helps. And i know it seems impossible, but try not to give in to the fear. Try to be calm, that will help so much.

And we'll all be here waiting for you when it's over. Think how much better you'll feel!
*hugs*
shapinglight
Jan. 21st, 2010 12:04 pm (UTC)
:massive hugs:

You'll be fine, you'll see. And after you've recovered from the surgery you'll feel so much better you'll be like a new person. Just you wait.
evilmaniclaugh
Jan. 21st, 2010 12:22 pm (UTC)
Much much love to you, darling.

I'm so glad that you moved and that you now have that gorgeous family of yours around you.

::hugs::
caliente_uk
Jan. 21st, 2010 12:23 pm (UTC)
Feeling terrified of surgery is a perfectly normal reaction, but I'm sure you'll feel so much better after you've had it done. My thoughts will be with you tomorrow. *many hugs*
kitty_poker1
Jan. 21st, 2010 01:06 pm (UTC)
I well know the terror of undergoing surgery but, believe me, it'll be worth it when you feel so much better afterwards. Just relax and try to think of how lovely it'll be to have the problem fixed, okay?

*big hugs*
curiouswombat
Jan. 21st, 2010 01:43 pm (UTC)
but I reiterate and emphasize... I'm terrified.

I would be too - logic has little to do with it, does it?

I will certainly be thinking about you.
petzipellepingo
Jan. 21st, 2010 01:52 pm (UTC)
when the surgeon cracks his knuckles and says: "I like a challenge" after examining you, you've waited too long.

Which sounds to me like he's going to do an extra specially good job.

Sending massive good vibes along and I'll be thinking of you all day tomorrow.
auntiero
Jan. 21st, 2010 01:58 pm (UTC)
Being terrified is a very natural reaction. I've had several minor outpatient surgeries in the last few years and I've been terrified with each one. It's not fun, but it's normal. But... You will be fine. I haveno doubt that you'll come through this with flying colors.

Hugs.
tersiefrog
Jan. 21st, 2010 01:58 pm (UTC)
well, you know that you'll be in my thoughts and prayers. And I'll say it again for emphasis. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

Much love going out to you!!
enigmaticblues
Jan. 21st, 2010 02:02 pm (UTC)
*hugs you tight* I'm so glad your family will be there for you, and I will be praying for you.
lilachigh
Jan. 21st, 2010 02:42 pm (UTC)
We're here with you. I had mine done when i was 4 - a very long time ago. All I remember is standing on a table, wearing only a vest and having to cough! I do hope you don't have to do the same!
ubi4soft
Jan. 21st, 2010 02:51 pm (UTC)
I wish you the best of luck with your surgery! You will be fine. You're gonna do great!!
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